Control Freak

I admit it, I have a control problem. I want to be in control, which means I want things to be how I envision them. Here's the twist, I also want someone who will take care of things for me. So, little by little, I delegate a few things and let someone else take care of certain things (by this I mean I allow myself to let go of being in control just a bit), and then I promptly end up frustrated because it didn't turn out how I envisioned it should be.

It bugs the heck out of me to have everything disorganized, yet anyone who REALLY knows me, probably knows how disorganized I really am. Strange contradiction, I know. Somehow, in my disorganization, I know where everything is at, at any given time.

Take something simple like loading the dishwasher...it takes literally no extra time to put all the spoons in one bin, forks in the other, knives in the next and miscellaneous in the last...yet it never happens unless I do it. Sounds pretty petty in the scheme of things, right? So, I try to let go of that because in the end, the result is that everything gets clean anyway, so who cares? It's the same thing with laundry. It seems pretty simple that you fold the towels, t-shirts, socks in the bin for a free for all later..right? Never happens, someone always throws everything in a basket where it wrinkles and...drives me nuts. So, I try to let that go because the result is the same, clothes are all clean right?

I think all this ties in somewhere with some form of anxiety or perfectionism. I'm trying to take one step forward and end up two steps backward. So, remember, the journey is important, it's simply not worth it if you're miserable in the process...who cares if things aren't the way I want them. Isn't it better to be relaxed and have a fun day where things get accomplished part-way? It's a hard lesson and I figure if I have a bit of control freak to tame someone else might too. I think the important thing to diffuse is that uncomfortable feeling you need to quell when you decide to "let something go" instead of freaking out, i.e. Control Freak, minus the "Freak" is just control...baby steps, one at a time.