What's an emotional vacuum cleaner? It's the only way I can describe what it feels like to be someone who picks up on the emotions of those around us (i.e., kids, friends, parents, co-workers). Anyway, most of us try to stay on track and "focus" on what's in front of us, but every once in awhile the floodgates open up or become overwhelming. Anyway, part of it is the tendency to absorb the emotions of those around me. Like my daughter, frustrated about something at school, spills over onto me and then I feel like I stuck my finger into the electric current of words. Trying to balance the hours I work with the kids, home...things that are always on my mind...the house isn't clean enough, we don't eat healthy enough (or I don't), the laundry is stacking up, I should be a better mother, friend, wife, employee, I should exercise, I'm not thin enough, ad nauseum, ad infinitum.
A therapist would love me.
There are a slew of books available at Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and on the Internet for affirmations, self-help, How To's, and a whole "blogosphere" of thoughts on the like. Somehow, flipping through the vast amount of information, it occurred to me that every author of these books wants us to "be the same"...wait a minute? So, if we take a literal weed-whacker and change all of these little quirks that make us who we are, we'll all the the same, well-adjusted, nothing in excess, everything in moderation society of people? Something's wrong with that...
Even if I were working toward anything remotely like that, I don't want to be "just like everyone else"...I'd rather be me. Oh-my-gosh..did I really just admit that it's okay to be "emotional"...I think I did. Here's why..
We all have good days and bad days, because without "bad days" we couldn't truly appreciate the good ones.
Sometimes, you have to "feel" in order to grow and change as a person...each of us has a journey that will know loss, grief, success, failure, happiness, sadness....working through these feelings whether they are ours or that of a friend or family member, demands that we reach into who we are to work through them. I've heard so many people say "Why did this happen to me?" I've even said it myself. Somehow, through faith, I've come to believe that that each of us is exactly where we are supposed to be in life for whatever reason, we just have to trust in God that where our journey leads us is exactly where it's supposed to be.
I guess you have to ask yourself if you're someone who believes in destiny or if people just get...lucky along the way.
Feelings of anxiety or depression or "the blues", happen to everyone at one point or another. Running to the doctor for a "pill" (while sometimes medically necessary), won't cure the issue at hand. Unless the doctor is prescribing a "cleaning lady" for an over-worked mom, which, in my opinion is a medically necessary treatment and should be covered by insurance 100%. Otherwise, I subscribe to the "pull your big girl panties up", roll out of bed every day, take a shower and give it another try...
Because I care very much about those I love, I listen to how they feel or how I've made them feel in a situation. It's very hard not to become a part of their feelings or suffering...remember to practice empathy versus sympathy. They're very different things!
Love....life is short, the gift of love is priceless. My Facebook page said I used that word in a Facebook status something like 26 times this past year. Huh? Yes, that would be me. Wearing your heart on your sleeve is a term that means....whatever you're feeling at any given time is as obvious as your..well, your sleeve. There are different kinds of love...love for your husband or wife, parents, children, good friends......we all have our own list...let them know it because you never know if you'll have tomorrow...this leaves no room for regret. If I've ever said "I love you" I meant it....and it's probably visible on my sleeve in one way or another. A really good friend of mine has shared that they wonder if they are really loved. I think to myself, if you are truly loved, you feel it deep within your soul, ignites with passion that changes over time, not to lessen but becomes more passionate, just in diffent ways, and no matter where you are, is always as palpable as the pulse of your heart.
There may be some people in your life who don't like to "feel"...this is hard, especially for me, because I think it's basically someone who feels very deeply, but those feelings are frightening for some reason or hold too much responsibility or leaves them open to getting hurt. I have a wonderful friend like this who I greatly admire, yet who manages to "get" in their own way of happiness. I don't have the answer to this, but I can tell you that love is unconditional and when someone truly loves you, it's not in "pieces", its the whole darn package. There are no guarantees in life, but it's better to chance getting hurt than never to feel at all.
I'd rather have three minutes of "wonderful, out of this world fabulous, knock your socks off incredible" than a lifetime of...nothing special.
Value yourself! Funny thing happens when you start to value who you are...it shows and people take notice. 'Nuff said.
Tears...I've always been a crybaby and once I used them to try to get out of a speeding ticket (didn't work). I cry at movies, weddings, definitely at funerals, when a pet passes on, in my car when I'm upset (and alone) because it upsets my kids...I've come to believe tears have a vital function in releasing whatever built up tension requires them to be let go...and if you can't cry easily, rent a DVD called My Sister's Keeper if you still can't cry, stop in at Walgreen's for some Visine..maybe your tear ducts at plugged. Some men feel tears are a sign of weakness in themselves...I remember my dad crying over a clay handprint I made him in the second grade which I gave him as a gift...he was the strongest man I've ever known.
All-in-all, emotions are as much a part of who I am as they are in who you are. I think I'd rather just live with the chaos they cause me than medicate them into oblivion. I do believe that everything that causes me to feel emotion, is probably a part of me that needs to grow as a person and hope that I have the strength to recognize that in the midst of the chaos. It's important to remember that the people in your life who love you, accept you just as you are and wouldn't want you any other way.
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